YOU ARE NOT HEARING ME ! LISTEN TO ME ! GIVE ME A TURN TO SPEAK !

These are familiar words for most of us. Either we say it, or it is said to us. The need to be heard is one of the most overriding of human needs. It is universal. We all have it – from the cradle to the grave.

THE BENEFITS OF LISTENING

Being fully heard makes us feel validated, seen, acknowledged, understood. It provides us with a sense of value, a sense that what we have to say is worthy of consideration. Moreover it engenders co-operation, affection, collaboration. It is a secret weapon for peace in times of war, a comforter that keeps emotions from spilling over, and the glue that can hold relations together.

Beyond any doubt, it is a critical to physical health and emotional wholeness.

THE DIFFICULTY WITH NEEDING TO BE HEARD

The difficulty with this need comes to the fore in conflict situations when both parties want to be heard … first. As a result they both begin talking…at the same time. One voice trying to crowd out the other. Volume levels are raised and tempers flare.

A definite recipe for disaster.

A SURPRISING RESULT

Having sat through countless high conflict mediations with families and couples in dispute. I have come to realize that disputes begin to unlock when parties give each other the opportunity to speak fully, in an environment of being heard…without interruption, and without judgement.

The next time you face a conflict situation, consider allowing the other person to speak first, and listen to them fully and attentively. Having been heard, you may well be surprised by how well that person in turn listens to what you have to say.

Feeling heard opens the door to hearing. Hearing opens the door to increased understanding which in turn, may well result in a resolution of the issue at hand.

It’s worth a try.